Leafs = Canada’s Team? #BabcockPlease

You know, Mike Babcock calling the Toronto Maple Leafs CANADA’S TEAM is definitely not sending out the right kind of message about our Nation. To put this bluntly, it’s like a kid who invites all his friends over to his house for his birthday party, and when they’re all gathered around to sing Happy Birthday, the kid suddenly turns to his mother in front of everyone and calls her a whore.

Seriously Mike, what has your mother (land) ever done to you?

Let’s have a moment and think HABout ‘tit estie (typos intentional): what about all those kids whose impressionable minds will forever be soiled by this vile proclamation? Think about the Ti-Guy’s and Marie-Lou’s from small towns across the nation tugging on their daddies’ pyjamas at night, pleading with tears streaming down their little faces: “Papa, c’est tu vrai ce que dit le monsieur? *SNIFF* C’est tu vrai qu’on est des… *voice cracking* LOUSEURS?”

For the sake of Don Cherry’s fashion sense, what have the Ti-Guy’s and Marie-Lou’s of this country ever done to you?!? Tell me Babcock, TELL ME YOU MONSTER!!!

Do you see where I’m getting at, now? Because the very implication that Canada as a whole partakes, or rather CONDONES any association to the vulgar concept of LEAFSdom demeans all of its HABITANTS; it implies that we Canadians are allergic to success, and even suggests that although we have no idiom of dignity, we are somehow just ‘fine with it’.

For the love of Rocket Richard, why would any Canadian want to pick the Leafs as THEIR team when they have FIVE other teams to choose from? (Sorry, but Oilers don’t count.) The fact that not even native Torontonians would pick The Maple Leafs as their team should be a hint to the rest of us. Isn’t that why they’re clamoring for a second NHL team? So they can finally, you know… HAVE a team?

- R!

– R!

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UFC Posters: A History of Main Event F*ckery (1993-2013)

Dana White is Puzzled

On the eve of the UFC’s twentieth anniversary, I decided to dig a little. It’s no secret that the world’s premiere MMA organization has seen its share of peaks and lowlights in recent memory, especially as it pertains to the injury curse that seems rear its ugly head whenever it damn well pleases. My initial idea for writing this piece was to dig up maaaaybe half a dozen pre and post revamped UFC posters from those cursed events, but as I dug deeper and deeper, the list grew unfathomably larger than expected. So here it is: a near-complete history of UFC main event changes, as told by the posters. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: All UFC event poster images in this post are copyrights of Zuffa, LLC. They are used here for the unique purpose of providing informative entertainment.


UFC 33: Tito Ortiz (LHW Champ) Vs. Vitor Belfort Vladimir Matyushenko

UFC33

The earliest account of main event fuckery happened not long after Zuffa purchased the Ultimate Fighting Championship from SEG for the modest sum of $2 Million. UFC 33 was set to feature three championship fights with the Huntington Beach Bad Boy set to defend  his light-heavyweight crown against the Phenom. Unfortunately, the ambitious booking took a major hit after Belfort was forced to bow out of the main event due to an arm injury sustained during training. Instead of matching two of its most marketable stars, the promotion was forced to cast journeyman Vladimir Matyushenko into the fold as the challenger. The end results turned out to be one of the most sleep-inducing main events since Ken Shamrock Vs. Royce Gracie II. To this day, Dana White is still quite bitter about that night and has gone as far as citing that “UFC 33 is the only one I can remember where every fight sucked”.

Can’t disagree.


UFC 63: Matt Hughes (WW Champ) Vs. Georges St-Pierre BJ Penn

UFC 63 Posters (Copyright of Zuffa, LLC)

Within a year of making his UFC debut in 2004, an undefeated GSP challenged then-perennial pound-for-pound great Matt Hughes for the Welterweight title a...

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Wu-Tang Clan: The Kung Fu Movies that Inspired their Names

Do you know which Kung Fu flicks inspired the names of each Wu-Tang member?

When Wu-Tang first brought the motherfucking ruckus in the early 90s, they infused the East Coast rap movement with a new sound, bringing with them flashy characters, lyrical grime and rhyme schemes laced with skits, slangs and samples inspired by old school kung fu movies. Over the years, hip hop heads coast to coast have tried to decipher the aliases of Wu-Tang members in an attempt to pinpoint the kung fu flicks that inspired each of their monikers. Some were obvious, but figuring out a few of them necessitated a level of mental dexterity that would be required to solve a Rubik’s Cube. The good news is, out of the nine original members (Sorry Cappadonna.) I am 100% 95% certain about seven of them, and I am pretty sure confident about the other two. I’ll start with the obvious ones first.

So without further ado…

From the slums of Shaolin, Wu-Tang Clan strikes again
The RZA, the GZA, Ol Dirty Bastard, Inspectah Deck, Raekwon the Chef
U-God, Ghostface Killah and the…

Method Man

Method Man X Method Man (1979)

Method Man x Avenging Boxer, AKA Method Man (1979)

The kung fu movie origin of the name stems from a revenge flick titled Avenging Boxer (小子命大, 1979), AKA Method Man / The Fearless Young Boxer starring Peter Chang (張繼龍) as the main character, and a South Korean badass named Casanova Wong (卡薩伐) as the bad guy who killed his father. According to urban legends, the rapper known as Method Man became the youngest member of Wu-Tang after Cappadonna lost his spot due to serving time in prison. The RZA supposedly gave Meth the moniker because method is a slang for weed and Iron Lung smoked a lot of it.

“I got, fat bags of skunk
I got, White Owl dub
And I’m about to go get lifted
Yes I’m about to go get lifted ”
– Method Man, Method Man

Masta Killa

Masta Killa X Master Killer AKA The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (1978)

Masta Killa x The 36th Chamber of Shaolin, AKA Master Killer (1978)

This is an obvious one! Gordon Liu’s (劉家輝) Monk San-Te character in the classic The 36th Chamber of Shaolin (少林三十六房, 1978), AKA Master Killer, star...

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